What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
