Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
