i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
