TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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