i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
