U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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