There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
