Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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