She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
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We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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