Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
