He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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