i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
