Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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