Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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