Don't make out with my wife yet
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
