Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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