I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you inspire me to be a worse person
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
