okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
