Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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