my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize