i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
