This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
