I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
