My brain says no but my pants say off.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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