All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
