We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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