That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
