This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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