I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i believe in u and ur pee
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
