I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
