ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
