Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
