We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
