And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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