Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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