I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
