i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
