All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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