i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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