Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
