you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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