Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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