She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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