Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
