I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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