just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
