I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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