Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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