Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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