1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
