Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
