Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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