some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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