Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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