the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
