OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
