I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
