it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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