I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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