Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
