she was so not down for the gang bang
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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