from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
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his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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