just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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