I can tuck mytits in my pants
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Bring me that man meat
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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