do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
