Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
