I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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