Dude my mom stole all your condoms
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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