There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
